What we expect from marriage can sometimes be far from the reality
of what marriage truly has to offer. Through the social media that surrounds
us, whether that be Instagram, YouTube, etc., marriage and the hard work that
it takes can easily be portrayed as something much less complicated. Moreover,
being married can sometimes be glamorized in the most unrealistic ways. This is
why I believe it's important to present to you, 6 Things That Every
Muslim Girl Needs to Know Before Getting Married!
1) Happiness:
The most important thing for
you to remember is that getting married will not be the ultimate source of your
happiness! If you are getting married with the expectation that your husband
will lead you on a road of happiness, then you are setting yourself up for a
sad awakening of unfulfilled longings. Don't expect that if you are currently
unhappy and miserable, getting married will make you the happiest girl in the
world.
Now, this is not to say that
your husband can't be a means of you attaining your happiness!
Ultimately, as a Muslim you
must remember, that only Allah can be your true source of happiness! Do not
distance yourself from Allah and expect that you can get closer to your
husband. Make the time to pray together and improve your connection with Allah.
Only this can generate the happiness that you long for!
2) Habits:
Prior to marriage you may have
a few habits or a lifestyle that you know you would never want to take with you
into marriage. For example, you may eat unhealthy and say, "When I get
married, I'm never going to eat unhealthy!" or your room may always be a
mess so you may say, "When I get married, my house will always stay
clean!". You must remember that you will not be able to change these habits
right after marriage. It is very difficult to rid yourself of habits that have
taken years to develop! Perhaps you will try to eat healthy and keep the house
clean for the first week or two of marriage, but this will not last long.
Instead, look at yourself now, prior to marriage, and begin working on these
things you wish to change.
This is not only limited to
habits, but can also be extended towards character traits you may have. Perhaps
you get angry or jealous over little things. Do not expect that you will no
longer possess these traits as a married woman, because in reality these habits
will transfer over into your marriage! Hence why it is vital that you improve
your character early on, so that these traits do not become a cause of concern
in your married life.
3) Domestic Skills:
Let me be real with you,
cooking, cleaning and budgeting abilities will be a huge help when it comes to
your transition into marriage! I know, some of you girls who have grown up in
the West will call this a load of nonsense, but it's the truth!
This is not to say that your husband and/or in-laws should expect you to cook
up a three-course meal every night. But you should be able to
cook something semi-descent for your husband to eat without getting food
poisoning. Perhaps even something slightly better.
4) Independent Woman:
Many young girls have an independent
woman mindset, with this "I don't need anybody" way of thinking.
But let me tell you, this mindset does not work in marriage! If you want to
build your career, that's great and your husband should support you. But that
is not what I mean when I say independent woman mindset. This
mindset consists of you coming home and leaving the house at any hour of the
day you please, and responding with "You can't tell me what to do!"
if he shows any sign of disapproval (because let's be real, he kind of can).
When married, you are no longer
able to do anything and everything you wish to do as if you were single.
Marriage is all about compromise...50/50...meeting halfway! No one partner can
expect to do whatever he/she wishes without this becoming a cause of trouble in
the marriage.
AND, you CAN be a successful
woman without needing to be a 100% independent woman!
5) Intimacy:
Although this is a topic that
is kept on the down-low in many cultures, I believe it is
something that should be briefly touched upon. Before your wedding, take some
time to understand what is and isn't acceptable between a husband and wife
within the rulings of Islam. Do some research from Islamic sources so you do
not have any misinformation about what is and isn't appropriate.
With this in mind, I think it's
important for you to get an overall better understanding of the responsibilities of being a wife in
Islam (as well as the responsibilities of a husband).
6) Forgiveness:
Lastly, the most important
thing to keep in mind is that marriage is the union of two very good forgivers!
You are two imperfect human beings who are coming together. You are bound to
clash! If you build resentment over every little thing that bothers you, you
will get to a point where this lack of forgiveness will cause you to snap. This
is why it is very important to address situations when both partners have
cooled off, and forgive each other at the end of it. Do not hold grudges!
Remember, while living under
the same roof as your parents and siblings, you still got into arguments
growing up. But, at the end of the day, you are still family who because you
forgave each other! You did not let those arguments turn into life long
grudges.
Marriage is the same way (with
both your partner, and your in-laws).
Anyways, those are just some of
the points that I believe every girl should keep in mind prior to marriage.
Marriage is not easy in any way, but little adjustments in your way of thinking
and habits can definitely make it go a little smoother! Despite everything I
have written above, marriage is truly an amazing union that can lead to many
blessings in the couples lives.
May Allah enable us all to be
the best of women, the best of mothers, and the best of wives, Ameen!