I often get asked about the extent to which Muslim girls should free-mix with guys, and why it is so important to follow this Islamic guideline. Most of us live in countries, where the free mixing of genders is a norm, and hard to avoid. Whether this be at school, college, work or even in public, the avoidance of the opposite gender as a whole comes off as rude and disrespectful. I know that we are taught to 'lower our gaze' in Islam, but we cannot walk the streets of life with our eyes directed towards the ground. For your own ease, I will break it down into parts:
INTENTION:
Now how many of you have ever said or heard: "I'm just talking to him, it's not like I have bad intentions or anything." We all have grown up knowing that intentions matter, and Allah knows our intentions. But just remember that your intentions may be right, but you never know the intentions of the other person. You all have most likely heard of Shaytan's evil desires. Unfortunately, Shaytan is always whispering things into our ears to misguide us. As well, science shows that the venereal desire and attraction to the opposite gender cannot be tamed by mere intention. It is something far beyond ones control which cannot be controlled by intention alone. The closer we get to the guy/girl, the harder it gets to stick to our initial intentions.
FRIENDSHIP:
"We're just friends," the typical reassurance every girl/guy gives to her/his friends. I'm not doubting anyone, perhaps you are just friends. But think about all the friends you've had in the past. Have you ever started to dislike them and realise that you don't like them as much as you had initially thought? Now think of it the other way around. That girl or guy that you never thought you'd be friends with-- did you ever end up actually getting along with them and becoming friends? The point that I'm trying to make is that, relationships change. Whether this be your group of girl friends, or your gang of guys. Just like this, you may think that you're just friends with a guy/girl but end up realising that you do like them. Like can change to love at any second. Sadly enough, we can't control our hearts from being attracted to someone. Especially when love is a word that floats around in today's society, where every other person has a girlfriend/boyfriend. We can easily get influenced. We are humans, inclined to liking someone of the opposite gender. It is only by taking this precaution of keeping a distance, that we can stop ourselves from developing something more from a relationship, that started as a mere friendship.
SCHOOL/WORKPLACE:
"I can't work with someone of the opposite gender," something, none of us want to say. Not only would it make us look rude but it would also make everyone think negatively of Islam. If you are told to work with someone of the opposite gender, for a school assignment or work. You can, but there are restrictions on what extent you can go to work with your partner/group. Try to get the assignment done during school time, so that the need to work after school doesn't arise. However, if it does, I recommend meeting in a public place (i.e. a library) to get the assignment done. It's best not to add the guy/girl on social media merely for the assignment, as you may end up never deleting this person from it, extending the 'partnership' for the assignment, far beyond what it should be. E-mailing an assignment back and forth is also a great idea. Just remember, don't let the conversation go beyond the assignment. Stick to the assignment!
SOCIAL MEDIA & ELECTRONICS:
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, Skype, Snapchat - how many of these do you have? With phones in practically everyone's pocket, it's hard not to wonder how you can have a phone with no social media. I'm not going to talk like your mother and say that you shouldn't have any form of social media, as that can be nearly impossible when electronics and social media are so widespread and used from school to the workplace. I can however say that how you use them goes far. You know that guy/girl that is 'just a friend'. Well they shouldn't be on your social media. Before everyone starts to use my Twitter account against me, saying that I follow guys and have guy followers. There is nothing bad in retweeting or favouring a guy's tweet. It's the direct messaging you have to be safe with, as you don't want to be messaging a guy/girl as that leads to a lot more than it should.
Basically, we are surrounded by so much negativity in the world today that's misguiding us. We don't want to be misguided. We don't want to fall into this trap. For this alone, do I emphasise the idea of not being overly friendly with someone of the opposite gender.
May Allah enable all of us to stay guided and not fall under the influence of Shaytan, Ameen!
11 comments
Nice blog. May Allah reward you. Aameen.
ReplyDeleteJazakAllah, Ameen!
DeleteGood article, good job btw finally someone has taken the time to write for ahmadi youth. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThank You so much! I'm trying, Alhamdulillah, InshAllah it goes well :)
DeleteGood work.. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI want to ask a question
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late reply... I want to propose one person and I know everything about him because he is my relative and his family is also good. And I know I can't meet him alone anywhere... But I want to propose him alone. So can I do that? I mean can I meet him alone to propose him?
DeleteSalam,
DeleteHere's what I believe the right way to go about this in Islam would be:
Let's remember that the conditions of Nikah are: it must be announced, the payment of the mahr/dowery, the consent of both parties, the permission of the wali (woman's guardian), and the presence of witnesses.
If we keep this in mind, the right way to approach a proposal would be to talk to your parents, who can then talk to his parents. It would not be right for you to ask him, or him to ask you to get married without your parent's or his parent's permission. For the most part, your parent's know what is best for you, and perhaps they will not agree to the marriage, so it is better that you two don't make any moves without your parent's permission.
Also you must remember that if this is just an engagement, then you are not married, and so it isn't right for you two to meet without your parent's permission or presence.
If you know it's a yes from him, and you want to marry him, talk to your parents to talk to his parent's. I believe that's the most appropriate way to go about this :) Good Luck!
You are right but I don't think I'll be able to talk to my parents. I will try.. Thank-you jazakallah
DeleteReally nice and Hardwork with a collection of convincing arguments :) JayakAllah Ahsanuljaza
ReplyDeleteJazak'Allah for reading!
Delete