The Islamic Light

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Chances are, your wedding and honeymoon involved a whole lot of expenses. Believe it or not, finances do play a significant role in the success of your marriage. Typically, newly weds don't have a lot of savings to spend extravagantly in their first few years of marriage. Miscommunication, debt, and poor spending habits can cause of a lot of distress, if not dealt with from the start. Thus, as newly weds, it is very important that you cut costs and manage finances well from the get go!

Here is a collection of 8 ways to save as newly weds!

1. Talk About Your Finances

It is very important that you do this before you get married, but if you have not, take the time to discuss your financial situation as soon as possible! This includes:

Personal Debts - student loans, credit card debts, etc.
Salaries and Income - will you run off of a single or dual income?
Spending Habits - do you like to splurge or save?

This discussion will ensure that each of your financial situations are now an open book for the other. Meaning, in the future, a backload of debt that wasn't brought up, will not be the cause of a dispute.

2. Single Income Living

If you both decide to work, it is very important that you know where the earnings are going. A few years back, a relative of mine gave me the following advice, "Even if you as a couple earn a dual-income, learn to live off of one". I can't stress these words enough! It is very easy for you to get comfortable spending more than you need to as a result of a dual income. However, you should split your income as follows:

Husband's Income - used for expenses and running the house
Wife's Income - used as savings

This is a great way for you to learn to live with a smaller income in case one of you loses your job or has to stay at home and raise kids in the future! It is also a great way for you to save and be stringent with your money.

3. Cut Down on Your Expenses

I know this must sound super obvious, but unnecessary expenses can really add up!

If possible, refinance your student loans to a better interest rate.
If both of you own a car, ditch one of them and try to share one instead. Cars require a lot of money to upkeep, and these costs add up fast!
Free and Low Cost Date Nights - there are many great alternatives out there that don't require heaps of money.
Gifts - oftentimes, newly weds feel the need to gift each other extravagant things very often, which can lead to an additional expense in the start of the marriage. This is not to say you aren't allowed to splurge, but do so less frequently, and while keeping the rest of your expenses in mind!

4. Monthly Expenses

If you pay for a subscription of any sort on a monthly basis, just remember the costs add up! Think about the number of times you actually use these items/services, and if they are well worth the amount you are paying for them. Otherwise, find free/low cost alternatives and cancel your subscriptions ASAP!

Streaming Services - Think about how many times you actually sit down and use these services, i.e. cable, Hulu, Netflix, etc. If not often, it may be best for you to unsubscribe! There are many free streaming options out there! Otherwise, split the streaming service with other couples you know. For example, my husband and I have split our Netflix subscription cost with my sister and brother in law. This way, we are paying half of what we would have otherwise.
Other expenses: Magazines, Subscription Boxes, Gym Memberships, etc. that are not being used.

5. Create a Budget
From the start, it is very important that you set a clear and concise budget to know exactly where your money is going. In an Excel Spreadsheet (or any tool of your choice), categorize your revenue and expenses on a month-by-month basis. This includes:

Revenue: Sources of Income, Grants, Benefits, etc.
Expenses: Mortgage/Rent, Insurance, Groceries, Clothing, Entertainment, Gas, Donations, etc.
Ensure you have a section for savings, so you know exactly how much money you are putting towards your savings every month!

This way, you can visually see where you are overspending and can take the necessary steps to ensure you remain within your budget every month.

6. Save for a Goal

On a monthly basis, sit down and talk about your goals to save. What is the next big purchase you wish to make? Are you saving for a downpayment on a house, a car, a vacation, etc.? To do this effectively:

Budget - as mentioned above, include a savings section within your budget
Savings Account – have an account where money goes in, but no money comes out!
Emergency - ensure that you quickly pool together an emergency fund incase of a medical emergency, urgent home repair, or loss of a job!
Retirement Savings - ensure you are putting money away into a retirement fund

7. Sales and Coupons

Take advantage of the coupon and deal sites out there! While you may not feel as though $2 here and there will mean anything more than the price of a coffee - I assure you in the long run you can save hundreds of dollars. If a household item you use regularly goes on sale, stock up! You will definitely be using the item anyways, so why not buy it now? But, keep in mind, sales and coupons will NOT benefit you if you start purchasing things you would NOT have otherwise! This will do nothing more than add an additional expense to your grocery list.

8. Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt

This is the last, but most important thing for you to remember! Try to start your marriage off by quickly paying off any debt you may have! This will not only benefit your financial health, but also boost the health of your marriage. Try to lower your credit card limit, so you can build a credit, but not spend more money than you have!

I hope these tips benefit all the newly weds out there and help start your marriage on a positive financial note! Just remember, many of the couples you see around you, also began their marriage with limited money to spend. Yes, the first few months and years of marriage might be financially difficult, but you can definitely get through it! Just plan, communicate, and work hard to save wherever you can!

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Valentine’s Day – the day that individuals are meant to express their love and affection for those they secretly admire.

But how did this day come about and what is Islam’s view of it?

HISTORY

Valentine’s Day is said to originate from Roman history and is connected to a ‘saint’ named ‘Valentine’ who was sentenced to death on February 14^th 270 CE. This pagan ritual has various different interpretations of how it came about. Some say St.Valentine secretly married single soldiers against the edict of Emperor Claudius II. Others link this holiday to the feast of Lupercalia - where men drew the names of women from a jar, like a matchmaking lottery. Meaning, Valentine’s Day at its roots, promotes adultery and promiscuous relationships which jeopardize the sanctity of a stable marriage.

Today, Valentine’s Day is meant to be the day on which you express your romantic secrets through anonymous cards, flowers, and chocolates. In elementary schools, children send love notes to all their classmates with candies attached. There seems to be an excitement in regards to ‘secret admirers’ and guessing who sent you the cards or flowers you find on your desk. Taking part in such festivities has now become an expectation, where you are required to give something special on Valentine’s Day.

VALENTINE’S DAY TODAY

We must remember that today, this is nothing more than a marketing gig - a way for companies to make additional revenue between Christmas and Easter when sales might otherwise be low. Businesses capitalize on this day to earn as much revenue as possible by offering customized products and services.

WHY NOT?

But what exactly are the downsides of this holiday? Why are Muslims told to avoid taking part in such a celebration?

Muslims should not take part in any Pagan practices – including Valentine’s Day and Halloween
We should not fall for this materialistic trap which forces us to buy roses and chocolates under pressure
Muslims should not have romantic relations with individuals of the opposite gender prior to marriage – contrary to the message that Valentine’s Day sends

This is not to say that Muslims should not express their love. In fact, Islam encourages strong bonds of love, brotherhood and sisterhood. We should direct loving words and actions; give small tokens of our appreciation to loved ones to uplift their hearts; and be loving and accepting of everyone. But, Valentine’s Day is the incorrect approach to take when expressing this love. As Muslims, we should have the utmost love for Allah, our Creator. Then comes our family, followed by friends and people we know.

Instead of Valentine’s Day, you should:

Express your love for Allah through regular prayer and good deeds
Express your love and gratitude to family and friends often
Pray for others

Overall, we as Muslims should not associate ourselves with man-made pagan festivals that have turned into superficial celebrations.

ISLAM’S VIEW

Islam teaches us that our love for our spouse should not be limited to merely a day. Instead, each and every day, you should express your love and gratitude for eachother. Do not allow yourself to be fooled by the promotion and materialistic emphasis on such holidays! You are more than just a wife or husband, entitled to receiving roses, chocolate and pearls on February the 14^th of every year. You are to be respected, loved, and cherished each and every day – because that is what Islam teaches!

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As many of you know, Salat is one of the five fundamental requirements for a Muslim. We are told in the Holy Qur'an,

"So glorify Allah when you enter the evening and when you enter the morning. And to Him belongs all praise in the heavens and the earth — and glorify Him in the afternoon and when you enter upon the time of the decline of the sun [Holy Qur'an Chapter 30, Verses 18-19].

Moreover, Huzur (aba) consistently directs our attention towards offering prayers regularly, on time, and in congregation. Not understanding its importance, some of you may have yet to establish your prayers, while others may go through periods of time in which you lose the momentum. Nevertheless, we must remember that the first thing that we will be asked on the Day of Judgement will be in regards to our prayers. Knowing that a little push in the right direction can bring you back on track, I have developed a list of tips and tricks to help you maintain your Salat!

1. STOP PROCRASTINATING

The most important thing for you to remember is that prayer comes first! Listen to that voice in your head that is reminding you to pray, and get yourself up to pray. The longer you drag it on and avoid praying, the longer it will linger around in your head and be a source of distraction. But remember, prayer shouldn't feel like a burden. Regardless, once you know that you have prayed, you will feel accomplished and ready to complete the remainder of what you need to get done thereafter.

2. PLAN AROUND YOUR SALAT
The second tip is one I am sure you have heard before, and I can confirm that it's definitely the easiest way to stay regular in Salat - plan around your Salat! For example, if you set your alarm for Fajr prayer, it can be a great way to start your day on time! Of course, when Fajr prayer falls at around 4am, it is more reasonable to pray and go back to sleep. Same thing goes for Ishaa prayer, which can be the perfect time for you to end your day, especially during the summer months.

If you're a student who has a break between two classes that fall between Zuhr/Asr time, use this time to pray your Salat! Similarly, if you're someone has a job, take your lunch break during the prayer times so you don't miss your prayers on a daily basis! This can become much easier if perform your ablution before leaving the house, and maintain it for the prayer times.

Something else that can make it is easier is carrying your prayer mat in your purse or school bag, if you do not have access to one at work or school. If you're a germaphobe like myself, you will be much more comfortable praying on a clean prayer mat!

3. PLACES TO PRAY
Of course, it is much easier to pray on time when you are at home. However, the majority of us spend much of our day outside of our homes (ex. school, work, etc.). It is during the period of being outside of our homes that we can often miss our Zuhr, Asr and Maghrib prayers.

My suggestion is that if you are at school, find areas where you can pray! I know many Universities have designated prayer areas that even provide prayer mats for Muslims. If you have access to such areas, benefit from them! Otherwise, find an empty lecture hall or empty corner of the school where you are able to take 5 minutes to pray.

For those of you who work, try to ask your employer during the interview process whether you can have a silent area for a few minutes a day to pray. Remind them that Muslims are obligated to pray 5 times a day, for which you will need 5 minutes (during your break) to pray.

Finally, when you are out running errands with your family, you should try to be home before it's time to pray. However, knowing this can be difficult, I suggest you look for Mosques nearby, and go there to pray. If you are unable to do this, you can easily pray in your car! Finally, if you're in a clothing store or mall, pray in the change rooms. This is a simple way for you to pray, and then continue with what you were doing, without needing to go home.

There are many ways for you to catch your prayers on time, if you are keen to do so! The excuse of not having a suitable place to pray is not acceptable.

4. SET REMINDERS
Your smartphone can be a great blessing when it comes to reminders. There are many apps out there that can remind you to pray, either in the form of a notification or by playing the Azaan. I suggest every Muslim download an app of this sort to assist with praying Salat on time. If you do not have a smartphone on you at all times, write down the prayer timings in your planner, so that you are mentally aware and reminded. For your home, you can find an Azaan alarm clock like this one, that can notify you and your children to pray on time!

I hope that these tricks assist you with becoming regular in your prayers if you have yet to establish them. You must remember that I can list 100's of suggestions on here for you to establish your prayer, but it is up to you to have the strong desire to do so. If you do not put in the effort to make prayer a habit, no amount of tips will get you to pray on time. As Muslims, we must remember our true purpose in life, which is to worship Allah. May Allah enable us to do so, Ameen.

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What we expect from marriage can sometimes be far from the reality of what marriage truly has to offer. Through the social media that surrounds us, whether that be Instagram, YouTube, etc., marriage and the hard work that it takes can easily be portrayed as something much less complicated. Moreover, being married can sometimes be glamorized in the most unrealistic ways. This is why I believe it's important to present to you, 6 Things That Every Muslim Girl Needs to Know Before Getting Married!

1) Happiness:

The most important thing for you to remember is that getting married will not be the ultimate source of your happiness! If you are getting married with the expectation that your husband will lead you on a road of happiness, then you are setting yourself up for a sad awakening of unfulfilled longings. Don't expect that if you are currently unhappy and miserable, getting married will make you the happiest girl in the world.

Now, this is not to say that your husband can't be a means of you attaining your happiness!

Ultimately, as a Muslim you must remember, that only Allah can be your true source of happiness! Do not distance yourself from Allah and expect that you can get closer to your husband. Make the time to pray together and improve your connection with Allah. Only this can generate the happiness that you long for!

2) Habits:

Prior to marriage you may have a few habits or a lifestyle that you know you would never want to take with you into marriage. For example, you may eat unhealthy and say, "When I get married, I'm never going to eat unhealthy!" or your room may always be a mess so you may say, "When I get married, my house will always stay clean!". You must remember that you will not be able to change these habits right after marriage. It is very difficult to rid yourself of habits that have taken years to develop! Perhaps you will try to eat healthy and keep the house clean for the first week or two of marriage, but this will not last long. Instead, look at yourself now, prior to marriage, and begin working on these things you wish to change.

This is not only limited to habits, but can also be extended towards character traits you may have. Perhaps you get angry or jealous over little things. Do not expect that you will no longer possess these traits as a married woman, because in reality these habits will transfer over into your marriage! Hence why it is vital that you improve your character early on, so that these traits do not become a cause of concern in your married life.

3) Domestic Skills:

Let me be real with you, cooking, cleaning and budgeting abilities will be a huge help when it comes to your transition into marriage! I know, some of you girls who have grown up in the West will call this a load of nonsense, but it's the truth! This is not to say that your husband and/or in-laws should expect you to cook up a three-course meal every night. But you should be able to cook something semi-descent for your husband to eat without getting food poisoning. Perhaps even something slightly better.

4) Independent Woman:

Many young girls have an independent woman mindset, with this "I don't need anybody" way of thinking. But let me tell you, this mindset does not work in marriage! If you want to build your career, that's great and your husband should support you. But that is not what I mean when I say independent woman mindset. This mindset consists of you coming home and leaving the house at any hour of the day you please, and responding with "You can't tell me what to do!" if he shows any sign of disapproval (because let's be real, he kind of can).

When married, you are no longer able to do anything and everything you wish to do as if you were single. Marriage is all about compromise...50/50...meeting halfway! No one partner can expect to do whatever he/she wishes without this becoming a cause of trouble in the marriage.

AND, you CAN be a successful woman without needing to be a 100% independent woman!

5) Intimacy:

Although this is a topic that is kept on the down-low in many cultures, I believe it is something that should be briefly touched upon. Before your wedding, take some time to understand what is and isn't acceptable between a husband and wife within the rulings of Islam. Do some research from Islamic sources so you do not have any misinformation about what is and isn't appropriate.

With this in mind, I think it's important for you to get an overall better understanding of the responsibilities of being a wife in Islam (as well as the responsibilities of a husband).

6) Forgiveness:

Lastly, the most important thing to keep in mind is that marriage is the union of two very good forgivers! You are two imperfect human beings who are coming together. You are bound to clash! If you build resentment over every little thing that bothers you, you will get to a point where this lack of forgiveness will cause you to snap. This is why it is very important to address situations when both partners have cooled off, and forgive each other at the end of it. Do not hold grudges!

Remember, while living under the same roof as your parents and siblings, you still got into arguments growing up. But, at the end of the day, you are still family who because you forgave each other! You did not let those arguments turn into life long grudges.

Marriage is the same way (with both your partner, and your in-laws).

Anyways, those are just some of the points that I believe every girl should keep in mind prior to marriage. Marriage is not easy in any way, but little adjustments in your way of thinking and habits can definitely make it go a little smoother! Despite everything I have written above, marriage is truly an amazing union that can lead to many blessings in the couples lives.

May Allah enable us all to be the best of women, the best of mothers, and the best of wives, Ameen!

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